Fall is here have no fear

Today marks exactly one month since my accident . I find myself looking back lately thinking of the last words I said to the people I loved , or how I treated people I didn't know. I think everyone wants to believe they are a good person but we all make mistakes . I know in my heart I try my hardest to be understanding and conscientious of others. Sometimes we are so busy that we let the little moments  slip by and maybe we weren't so kind to the person on the other end of the phone or at the stoplight. 

I have been feeling very anxious wanting to start physical therapy and move on from this accident . Yet I keep replaying he only memory I have from my accident over and over in my mind. I want to know what happene but everyone keeps telling me it's a blessing that you don't remember . Yet I still try and do not succeed . I see so many people much worse than myself weather it's from an accident , loss of a loved one, or a disease that they had no control over . I feel guilty for complaint about my minor issues compared to theirs . 

My thoughts are all over the place feeling anxious , angry, thankful, and guilty. It's this time of the night that I can not get to sleep thinking of all the things I still need to take care of . Making sure I said I love you to thoes in my life, wondering what if I had not missed my turn would I be here now like this?

As I lay here watching my handsome boyfriend and beautiful little brother sleep so peacefully that I wonder what they think about , have I been considering how this is effecting them ? So many thoughts , so many things runningn through my mind I just want all this to be over .. I want to resume my life . 

I was told if have good days and bad but I guess maybe I was in denial assuming no way I'm alive I won't have bad days. I find myself praying more often not asking god to do something for me , but to share his strength with me , share it with my family . I must admit before his accident I had sort of lost touch with god . Getting so caught up in my own life and things going on that I failed to approximate the fact that I am alive , that I can see and smell and speak when so many others can not. 

So my post for tonight I just want to thank god instead of asking him to do something for me . Thank him for allowing me to continue on in my life , thank him for allowing me to be so fortunate to have food , shelter, and loved ones around. I find myself taking things for granted less and maybe his was the wake up call that I needed. To slow down , appriciate all the rhinhs I have been blessed with this far and learn to be a happier person. To be more kind , paitient, and understanding. I was working so much and worrying so much about how much money I would make and what new things I could buy that I forgot the most important things of all. Things can be replaced people can not. I intend to take this life lesson and go on in my life treasuring every moment that I am blessed with to be able to spend with my family and friends.

I took this picture with my brother today, and in sharing this and his story with my new friend Elinor and her family I realized just how luck we are. So I want to thank you personally Elinor for teaching me that I should enjoy life and live every moment to the fullest !

My dear Elinor for such a small person you have taught me such a huge lesson. I just wanted to thank you <3 

<a href="http://www.hypersmash.com">www.hypersmash.com</a>

No pain no gain

ILast night and this morning were just awful! I have been experiencing tons of pain which I had not been in the previous weeks. According to my doctor that pain. Will come and go and until it's healed and I go to physical therapy it will not stop. 

My question is why if that is the case so you only prescribe me a tiny bit of pain meds? I generally only take ibuprofen of anything but I tell you this pain is causing lack of sleep, really making my mood go down, and just causing me not to want to move at all. 

Okay enough complaint for one day lol in other news only 14 days until my next follow up appointment at orthopedics east and hopefully I can start PT so I'm holding onto hope and the thought of regaining so movement and strngth back in my legs :)

Finally some good news too! My paperwork for aflac has been completed and turned in and I should be reviving the checks from them to pay off my steadily increasing med bills. At this moment it is at about $40,000 ...yikes I can't even fathom spring more than $20 on a shirt lol. 

Well any who today is pretty yucky outside rain and wind coming off the tropical storm. So I hope everyone has a fabulous day and thank you all for the prayers!

Funnel cakes and birthday parties

So today we celebrated my little brothers 11th birthday ! It was so very nice to be around family and see my brother so happy.  We went to the county fair and just watching him get so much enjoyment out of the rides and all the sights and sounds was amazing. I think of how I've been complianing of my troubles after my accident but today I want to take the time to celebrate not only my brothers birthday but him overcoming his own struggles. Everyday I think , I wish I could walk to the bathroom or walk at all never once considering what my brother goes through everyday of his life. 

Jacob was diagnosed with autism , hypomania, and add around his second birthday. He struggled to talk and just be a normal little boy. Everyday he struggles to deal with changes or things he can not understand and yet he still keeps that quirky little smile on his face. Everyone keeps telling me how positive I've been through this life changing process I am going through , but really I have no choice. There are plenty of people who have it worse than I do and I can not let this hiccup keep me negative . My brother has continuously been my strength , he keeps me grounded and humble. So today I wanted to write my post in dedication to you Jacob Rhodes . You are my life , helping me choose my career choice as a special education teacher , keeping me humble and unselfish , and most of all teaching me to love myself and everyone I meet for who they are not who the world thinks they should be. So happy birthday little brother and I am so grateful to be apart of your life !